Stuck revised version

The windchimes dance in the wind, reflecting sunlight out of the corner of your eye. The sound is beautiful. { (live: 3s)[ (stop:) It's a little less beatuiful that your neighbor is mowing his lawn again at the very moment you chose to sit outside and read your (cycling-link: bind $book, "romance novel", "superhero novel", "mystery novel"), but it is what it is. You just curl into the porch swing a little tighter, [[appreciating->mom interrupts]] the nice day. ] }

The book you're reading is just getting good - this is the part where (if: $book is 'romance novel')[the girl is going to realize she's in love.](if: $book is 'superhero novel')[the sidekick is on the verge of saving the day.](if: $book is 'mystery novel')[the detective is //finally// going to find that one clue the author hinted at chapters ago.] And just as the moment arrives- "[[Hun->meet mom]], what are you doing out here?"

"Just reading," you tell your mom. She smiles widely at you, lingering a little too long. "You know, hun, if you want to avoid all that noise, you can take the windchimes down." She turns her warm gaze from you towards the windchimes with disdain. You know that you can. You're the one who put the windchimes up before sitting down to read. [[Thank her and get up to take the chimes down. You can tell she's always been annoyed by them.->Overly nice]] [[Nod and go back to your book.->Silent nuetral]] [[Tell her that you're the one who put them up and you like them there. You're the one sitting outside, after all.->Snippy**]]

You nod. You look back down at your book. It's hard to find the sentence where you left off. "So- you're uh, gonna keep them up, then?" You nod again. Finish the phrase you're on, look up, and say, "Yeah, sorry." "No, no, you aren't bothering me none. Just trying to be helpful." She concentrates a beaming smile in your direction. When a moment passes without your reply, she says, [["I love you, hun."->forced love 1]]

"I know that. I'm the one who put them up." "Oh," she says in suprise, her gaze flitting back and forth between you and the chimes. As if on cue, the wind picks up, and several of the higher notes float through the air. "I like them, mom. They're pretty." She concentrates a beaming smile in your direction. "Sure are, hun." A moment elapses where she looks like she wants you to say something. You turn back to your book. It's hard to find the sentence you left off on. Then your mother clears her throat. [["I love you, hun."->forced love 1]] (set:$mom_angrier to 'true')

"Thanks," is all you say. You get up and pull the windchimes down, wincing as the movement jostles them around to be even louder and inharmonious. To stop the onslaught, you clutch them flat against your chest. The air stills with a hollow thud. Over your shoulder, your mother is beaming at you. "You're the best," she says. You stand frozen, holding the windchimes against yourself. With one more flash of a brilliant smile, she leans back into the house. The door [[closes->back to book]] behind her.

You go back to reading your book. (if: $book is 'romance novel')[The protagonist falls perfectly into her love interest's arms.](if: $book is 'superhero novel')[The hero and the sidekick embrace, laughing, because the world has no idea how it almost ended before they saved it in perfect harmony.](if: $book is 'mystery novel')[Once the detective has his clue, the path he must take aligns, perfeclty clear ahead of him.] The sound of your neighbor's lawnmower is louder without the chimes to [[drown it out.->next scene]]

You look up at her. [[Say you love her too.->satisfaction for who]]

"I love you, too." Your mother smiles and straightens her back. With that, she leans back into the house. The door closes behind her. The wind picks up again, and the chimes [[ring.->next scene]]

The next day, you're sitting at your desk, alternating between writing in your journal and texting Alex. Alex is your (cycling-link: "best friend", "girlfriend", "boyfriend") of three years, and being unable to hang out hurts you both. You text as much as ever, but it hardly compares. Your phone dings. [[Open the text from Alex.->text convo 1]]

Alex: So are you going to see the graduation parade next week? Idk what I'm doing [[Reply: Yeah, I'm going, I promised some seniors I'd be there->yes]] [[Reply: Yeah, I just have mixed feelings about it->mixed feelings]] [[Reply: I don't think so. We're just juniors and the whole thing is way strange anyways->no]]

Alex: Me too. My parents are trying to convince me it'll be worth seeing but I'm not so sure [[Yeah, but it's not like there's a better alternative anyways->2. no alternative]] [[I know. This whole thing sucks->3. pessimist]] (set:$maybe_going to 'true')

Alex: I guess you're right. We should park next to each other ok You smile at your phone. You feel satisfied now that you both have a plan for graduation day. Your fingers are hovering over the keyboard when your door opens and suddenly, your mom is in the room. "Hey, hun." She walks up behind you, peering at both your journal and phone screen with a smile. [[Put down your phone and ask her what's up.->talk first]] [[Text Alex back first.->text first**]]

Alex: (if:$maybe_going is 'true')[Well if my parents are making me go then you have to come too. We'll park next to each other ok](else:)[If you go, I'll go. We can park next to each other ok] You smile at your phone. You feel satisfied now that you both have a plan for graduation day. Your fingers are hovering over the keyboard when your door opens and suddenly, your mom is in the room. "Hey, hun." She walks up behind you, peering at both your journal and phone screen with a smile. [[Put down your phone and ask her what's up.->talk first]] [[Text Alex back first.->text first**]]

Alex: Maybe we should skip it and just call each other, have our own celebration of the end of the year You smile at your phone. You feel satisfied now that you both have a plan for graduation day. Your fingers are hovering over the keyboard when your door opens and suddenly, your mom is in the room. "Hey, hun." She walks up behind you, peering at both your journal and phone screen with a smile. [[Put down your phone and ask her what's up.->talk first]] [[Text Alex back first.->text first**]] (set: $not_going to 'true')

You turn off your phone, laying it face down on your desk. Alex can wait a minute. "What's up?" You try to swivel your chair to face your mom, but she's standing so close that the chair bumps into her. With a laugh and a dismissive wave of her hand, she steps back. "Just checking in on you. Wanted to know how you are." She's smiling that big smile at you, but her eyes keep drifting towards your journal. It's the second time she's come in to your room this morning for the exact same conversation. [[Tell her that you're good.->ignore]] [[Tell her you're fine and ask how she is in return.->nuetrality]] [[Tell her you're fine. Just like you were when she checked in an hour ago. Just like you were at breakfast. You're still fine.->snip snap**]]

"One second," you say, eyes still on your phone as you type out a quick reply to Alex, including that you have to go. Once you get a smiley in return, you put your phone face down on your desk. You look up at your mom. "Yes?" you ask, raising your eyebrows as she just stares back at you. "Just checking in on you. Wanted to know how you are." She's smiling that big smile at you, but her eyes keep drifting towards your journal. It's the second time she's come in to your room this morning for the exact same conversation. [[Tell her that you're good.->ignore]] [[Tell her you're fine and ask how she is in return.->nuetrality]] [[Tell her you're fine. Just like you were when she checked in an hour ago. Just like you were at breakfast. You're still fine.->snip snap**]] (set:$mom_angrier to 'true')

"I'm good. Just journaling." She takes this as an invitation to step closer. You give her a smile and wait, figuring she's going to say something soon. She looks around at the pictures and papers scratted across your desk. You do your best not to fidget. After a minute of her silent analysis of your desk, she suddenly turns to you. "Don't you wish we could go back in public?" Before you can answer, she continues, "So who were you texting?" You blink at her in response. Your neck is a little sore from the whiplash of her switching gears. [[Tell her it was Alex and you were talking about graduation.->full disclosure]] [[Tell her you're just talking to some friends.->lukewarm]] [[Ask her why it matters.->snipy snapy]] (set:$standing_close to 'true')

"I'm fine." You wait for her to say something, but she just nods. You can tell she wants you to, so you ask, "And you? How are you?" She smiles. "Oh, you know. Ever since I started working from home, I'm just so //bored.//" She takes the liberty of sitting on your bed, plopping down with a sigh and looking around at the posters and pictures in your room. You do your best not to fidget. "Don't you wish we could go back in public?" Before you can answer, she continues, "So who were you texting?" You blink at her in response. Your neck is a little sore from the whiplash of her switching gears. [[Tell her it was Alex and you were talking about graduation.->full disclosure]] [[Tell her you're just talking to some friends.->lukewarm]] [[Ask her why it matters.->snipy snapy]]

"I'm fine. Just like I was an hour ago," you try to make it sound lighthearted, but she rolls her eyes at you, and you can't resist prodding the issue just a little bit more. "I was fine at breakfast, too. I'll probably be fine in another hour as well, but thank god you're here to check." Your mom crosses her arms. "I am your mother, you know. Of course I check in on you." "Right. Thanks for checking in." You turn back to your phone. You expect her to leave, but instead, out of the corner of your eye, you see her sit down on your bed. She sits in silence for a minute, looking around at the posters and pictures in your room. You do your best not to fidget or directly face her again. Suddenly, she speaks. "Don't you wish we could go back in public?" Before you can answer, she continues, "So who were you texting?" You blink at her in response. Your neck is a little sore from the whiplash of her switching gears. [[Tell her it was Alex and you were talking about graduation.->full disclosure]] [[Tell her you're just talking to some friends.->lukewarm]] [[Ask her why it matters.->snipy snapy]] (set:$mom_angrier to 'true')

After an episode or two that you don't really pay much attention to, you decide to call it quits. It didn't help your flagging interest that your dad rarely interjected with any of his typical commentary. He'd normally spend the entire night trying to make you laugh, but tonight, you both laid low in silence. All you really want is to dump your day in your journal and go to bed, anyways. You turn off the TV, but stop to ask your dad if he wants the remote. He gives a small smile when he says yes. You smile back, and [[head to your room.->which method]]

On your way to your room, you pass the door to your parents' room. You know your mom is in there. [[Go in and talk to her some more.->calm entrance]] [[Keep walking.->long way]]

As you walk past her door, you speed up a little. After you're in your room with the door closed behind you, you let out a breath. You go to sit down at your desk, ready to pick up your pen, but your journal isn't sitting on top of your laptop where you usually leave it. [[Look around your desk.->desk]] [[Look under your bed.->bed]] [[Look on your bookshelf.->bookshelf]]

You lift up your laptop and shuffle some papers around. You peek in the drawers for a moment, but you already know you'd never put your journal there. It must be somewhere else. (if:$shelf_searched is 'true')[[[Consider somewhere else to look.->realization]]](else:)[[[Keep looking.->map]]] (set:$desk_searched to 'true')

You aren't sure how it could end up under your bed, but you bend down to check anyways. It wouldn't be the first time it's fallen on the floor, and maybe you unknowingly kicked it there. No luck. All that's there is an empty plastic water bottle. You should really recycle that. (if:$shelf_searched is 'true')[[[Consider somewhere else to look.->realization]]](else:)[[[Keep looking.->map]]] (set:$bed_searched to 'true')

You look around your bookshelf, wondering if it maybe got stacked here when you were re-shelving your $book. When you can't see the cracked black leather spine of your journal, you feel along the tops of the books to see if it's up there. All you get in return is some dust on your fingers. It isn't here. (if:$desk_searched is 'true')[[[Consider somewhere else to look.->realization]]](else:)[[[Keep looking.->map]]] (set:$shelf_searched to 'true')

You were willing to check some unlikely places within your room, but to look outside of your room is too unrealistic to even entertain. Your journal is always in your room. Everyone knows that. //Everyone// knows that. Including [[your mother.->walk hall]]

You leave your room and head for your mom's. With every step down the hallway, two things happen. One: you reassure yourself more and more that you're overreacting, that your journal is sitting peacefully in your room somewhere, that your mother is going to have no idea what's going on. Two: you become more and more certain that she is reading your journal. Though the hallway seems longer than it normally is, you do reach her door. [[Take a deep breath before you knock. Prepare yourself for whatever happens.->calm entrance]] [[Go into that room before she can read any more of your journal.->angery entrance]]

With a deep breath, you raise your fist to knock on the door. "Uh- hello?" Your mother's voice is muffled, and you can hear her rustling around in there. But it seems like invitation enough, so you open the door. You freeze. Your mother freezes. Your hand is stuck on the doorknob, but what's much more interesting is that her hand is holding your journal. She's got it halfway into the drawer of her bedside table. Your heart sinks. When you look from your journal to her, she's staring back at you with wide eyes. Silence hangs. You drop your hand from the doorknob, and that's enough to shatter the moment. She straightens up in bed and starts to say something about your best interests at the same time that you ask her what she's doing. You both realize you're talking over each other, petering out. You can't stop staring at your journal, the cracked black leather in her hands instead of yours. [["Mom?"->explanation/defense]]

You rip open the door. You hear your mom before you see her; she gasps loudly. But then you see her. You freeze. Your mother freezes. Your hand is still stuck on the doorknob, but what's much more interesting is that her hand is still holding your journal. She's sitting in her bed, and as she stares back at you with wide eyes, the journal droops in her hands. Your heart sinks, and anger rises up from your stomach to replace it. You're about to say something - anything, anything to break the silence hanging between you - but she beats you to it. "You have no right to barge into my room without knocking. It's an intrusion." She straightens up where she's sitting. Her dropped jaw transforms into a thin, hard set line of her mouth. [[Admit you shouldn't have so you can ask for your journal back. All you need is to get that journal back in your hands.->mouse]] [[Ignore her statement. Just ask her again what she's doing.->eagle]] [[Don't let her lecture you on intrusions. She's the one holding your freaking journal.->lion]]

Your mother sighs and sets the journal to the side. You follow it, staring at it sitting on her blanket. It takes you a moment before you realize she's speaking, and you snap back to attention- "and I know you think I'm overprotective, but it's my job." You look at her in wonder. She must be able to read the shock on your face, because she fidgets again and presses on. "You need to trust me, hun." [[Tell her you do trust her, you just want your journal back. You can't stand to talk to her while she's still guarding it.->mouse 2]] [[Ask her why she took it.->eagle 2]] [[Don't let her lecture you about trust. She's the one holding your freaking journal.->lion 2]]

"I-" you nearly choke on the words. "I'm sorry, okay? I wouldn't normally but - you do have my journal." You weakly point at it, still resting in her hands. She smiles sypathetically. "I know, hun. And I get that you're probably mad, believe me, I understand. But you need to trust that I was just looking out for you. I was worried about you." She sits up straighter as she speaks. You nod along, biting your lips into your mouth and swallowing the lump in your throat. "Can I have it back, please?" "Oh! Of course, sure," she says, like the thought hadn't yet occured to her. She stands, and as she picks up your journal, you feel the weight of it. The burning in the back of your throat grows into something too thick to swallow away. Did she read the part about your fight with Alex? The part where you wrote about how you wish you had more muscles? The part where you drank for the first time and embarassed yourself in front of your friends? Before you have time to even notice her walking towards you, she's standing in front of you, journal outstretched. You grab onto the end she's offering up, but when you tug it towards yourself, she holds firm. She's forcing you to look up at her, so you do. "We'll talk later about what I read in here, okay? I need to talk to your father first, but we'll talk, okay, hun?" You don't answer. You're certain that if you open your mouth, something very, very regrettable will come out. She smiles again and releases the journal. You didn't realize how hard you were pulling on it until the resistance is gone and you nearly punch yourself in the stomach with it. Your mom reaches a hand out to rub your shoulder. [["I love you, hun."->i love u]] (set:$shoulder to 'touched')(set:$understand to 'true')

"What are you doing?" Your mother sighs and sets the journal to the side. You follow it, staring at it sitting on her blanket. "Listen, I knew you wouldn't like it, but I did what I had to do. I'm your mother, hun, and I know you think I'm overprotective, but it's my job." You look at her in wonder. She must be able to read the shock on your face, because she fidgets again and presses on. "You need to trust me, hun." [[Tell her you do trust her, you just want your journal back. You can't stand to talk to her while she's still guarding it.->mouse 2]] [[Ask her why she took it.->eagle 2]] [[Don't let her lecture you about trust. She's the one holding your freaking journal.->lion 2]]

"Right, yeah. I'm intruding on you. Tell me: did you knock before sneaking into my room to steal my journal?" Your mom's hardened, controlled expression falters. She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it. She takes a deep breath. Your heart is going to pound its way out of your chest any second now. "Do not speak to me in that manner. I do not care if you're mad, you will show me respect. I am the parent in this situation." She won't look at you as she says it, focusing instead on placing your journal down on the blanket next to her. You almost laugh, it's so absurd. "Just because you're the parent doesn't mean I'm some helpless child," you try to keep your voice level, but it isn't listening to you. "When will you stop trying to control me? I'm not some ten year old kid anymore!" Your mother's head snaps to look at you. The strength on her face is no longer a practiced expression. "You think you're so grown, don't you? You have no idea. You //need// me to look out for you." She nearly hisses at you, you swear. This time, you really do laugh. "Maybe," you nod, still laughing as you shake your head. The maybe is technically a concession, but you can tell by the way she eyes you that she understands that you aren't finished. "Maybe. I'll never know, will I? You won't let me grow up." That earns some silence. You hold eye contact. You will not be the first to look away. She concedes, looking down with a sigh. When she looks back up at you, there are tears in her eyes. "Is it so wrong to want your child to need you?" Your instinct is to tell her //yes//, but it seems like more of a rhetorical question. She takes a deep breath. "I'm-" she falters again. You can't help but feel a little gratification; even though she looks like you kicked her puppy, at least she is finally about to apologize - you're sure of it. [["I just love you, hun."->i love u]]

"I-" you nearly choke on the words. "I'm sorry, okay? I do trust you, but - you do have my journal." You weakly point at it, still resting in her hands. She smiles sypathetically. "I know, hun. And I get that you're probably mad, believe me, I understand. But you need to trust that I was just looking out for you. I was worried about you." She sits up straighter as she speaks. You nod along, biting your lips into your mouth and swallowing the lump in your throat. "Can I have it back, please?" "Oh! Of course, sure," she says, like the thought hadn't yet occured to her. She stands, and as she picks up your journal, you feel the weight of it. The burning in the back of your throat grows into something too thick to swallow away. Did she read the part about your fight with Alex? The part where you wrote about how you wish you had more muscles? The part where you drank for the first time and embarassed yourself in front of your friends? She's standing in front of you, journal outstretched, before you have time to even notice her walking towards you. You grab onto the end she's offering up, but when you tug it towards yourself, she holds firm. She's forcing you to look up at her, so you do. "We'll talk later about what I read in here, okay? I need to talk to your father first, but we'll talk, okay, hun?" You don't answer. You're certain that if you open your mouth, something very, very regrettable will come out. She smiles again and releases the journal. You didn't realize how hard you were pulling on it until the resistance is gone and you nearly punch yourself in the stomach with it. Your mom reaches a hand out to rub your shoulder. [["I love you, hun."->i love u]] (set:$shoulder to 'touched')(set:$understand to 'true')

"Why?" you ask, taking a tentative step further into the room. She furrows her brow and opens her mouth to say something, but you stop her. "Why did you take it?" With that, your mother sits back in her bed, smiling softly. "I was worried about you, hun. You haven't been acting like yourself" You swallow the lump in your throat. It takes all your willpower to meet her eyes. "And why didn't you just talk to me about that? You made dad talk to me and stole my journal before coming to me, how is that fair?" Your mother scoffs, shaking her head with a chuckle. "Would you have really been as honest with me as you are in this journal? Really?" Honesty in your journal. The burning in the back of your throat grows into something too thick to swallow away. Tears form in your eyes. Did she read the part about your fight with Alex? The part where you wrote about how you wish you had more muscles? The part where you drank for the first time and embarassed yourself in front of your friends? She could be referring to any of it. [[Admit you wouldn't have been as honest - it's true. All you can do is hope she's done now so you can get it back.->mouse 3]] [[Tell her she should have asked first anyways.->eagle 3]] [[Demand your journal back. Now. She had no right to it, worried or not.->lion 3]]

"Right, yeah. Trust you. Tell me: was it trust you were building between us when you snuck into my room to steal my journal?" Your mom's hardened, controlled expression falters. She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it. She takes a deep breath. Your heart is going to pound its way out of your chest any second now. "Do not speak to me in that manner. I do not care if you're mad, you will show me respect. I am the parent in this situation." She won't look at you as she says it, focusing instead on placing your journal down on the blanket next to her. You almost laugh, it's so absurd. "Just because you're the parent doesn't mean I'm some helpless child," you try to keep your voice level, but it isn't listening to you. "When will you stop trying to control me? I'm not some ten year old kid anymore!" Your mother's head snaps to look at you. The strength on her face is no longer a practiced expression. "You think you're so grown, don't you? You have no idea. You //need// me to look out for you." She nearly hisses at you, you swear. This time, you really do laugh. "Maybe," you nod, still laughing as you shake your head. The maybe is technically a concession, but you can tell by the way she eyes you that she understands that you aren't finished. "Maybe. I'll never know, will I? You won't let me grow up." That earns some silence. You hold eye contact. You will not be the first to look away. She concedes, looking down with a sigh. When she looks back up at you, there are tears in her eyes. "Is it so wrong to want your child to need you?" Your instinct is to tell her //yes//, but it seems like more of a rhetorical question. She takes a deep breath. "I'm-" she falters again. You can't help but feel a little gratification; even though she looks like you kicked her puppy, at least she is finally about to apologize - you're sure of it. [["I just love you, hun."->i love u]]

You breath in deeply. [[Say you love her too.->suffocate]] [[Tell her you love her, but you don't love that she took your journal.->debate]] [[Explain that she can't just say she loves you and expect what just happened to go away. She stole from you, and you won't let love outshine that.->disarm the weapon]]

"I-" you nearly choke on the words. "I probably wouldn't have. But that journal is mine." You weakly point at it, still resting in her hands. She smiles sypathetically. "I know, hun. And I get that you're probably mad, believe me, I understand. But you need to trust that I was just looking out for you. I really was worried about you." She sits up straighter as she speaks. You nod along, biting your lips into your mouth and swallowing the lump in your throat. "Can I have it back, please?" "Oh! Of course, sure," she says, like the thought hadn't yet occured to her. She climbs out of her bed. You watch her hands wrap around your journal. And then she's standing in front of you, journal outstretched. You grab onto the end she's offering up, but when you tug it towards yourself, she holds firm. She's forcing you to look up at her, so you do. "We'll talk later about what I read in here, okay? I need to talk to your father first, but we'll talk, okay, hun?" You don't answer. You're certain that if you open your mouth, something very, very regrettable will come out. She smiles again and releases the journal. You didn't realize how hard you were pulling on it until the resistance is gone and you nearly punch yourself in the stomach with it. Your mom reaches a hand out to rub your shoulder. [["I love you, hun."->i love u]] (set:$shoulder to 'touched')(set:$understand to 'true')

"That doesn't matter, mom. You should have asked me. You should have at least given me a //chance// to be honest." You know she hears this, because she stops smiling and looks at the journal with watery eyes. She sighs. "I don't know, hun. I try to do my best as a mother, and sometimes I just get too worried." [[Tell her you understand and you just want your journal back.->mouse 4]] [[Acknowledge her concerns.->eagle 4]] [[Don't let her cry her way out of this. State your case again.->lion 4]]

"No. No - this is entirely unfair. Give me my journal back. Now." Your mom's hardened, controlled expression falters. She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it. She takes a deep breath. Your heart is going to pound its way out of your chest any second now. "Do not speak to me in that manner. I do not care if you're mad, you will show me respect. I am the parent in this situation." She won't look at you as she says it, focusing instead on placing your journal down on the blanket next to her. You almost laugh, it's so absurd. "Just because you're the parent doesn't mean I'm some helpless child," you try to keep your voice level, but it isn't listening to you. "When will you stop trying to control me? I'm not some ten year old kid anymore!" Your mother's head snaps to look at you. The strength on her face is no longer a practiced expression. "You think you're so grown, don't you? You have no idea. You //need// me to look out for you." She nearly hisses at you, you swear. This time, you really do laugh. "Maybe," you nod, still laughing as you shake your head. The maybe is technically a concession, but you can tell by the way she eyes you that she understands that you aren't finished. "Maybe. I'll never know, will I? You won't let me grow up." That earns some silence. You hold eye contact. You will not be the first to look away. She concedes, looking down with a sigh. When she looks back up at you, there are tears in her eyes. "Is it so wrong to want your child to need you?" Your instinct is to tell her //yes//, but it seems like more of a rhetorical question. She takes a deep breath. "I'm-" she falters again. You can't help but feel a little gratification; even though she looks like you kicked her puppy, at least she is finally about to apologize - you're sure of it. [["I just love you, hun."->i love u]]

"I know you do. I understand that." As you say it, your mom tries to keep her sniffles in check and stands up. She walks towards you and you feel helplessly nailed to the spot. She opens her arms, and you hold your breath when you realize she's about to hug you. You do your best to let it happen. She clings onto you, takes a deep breath, and says, [["I love you, hun."->i love u]] (set:$shoulder to 'touched')(set:$understand to 'true')

"You have a right to be worried. I'm not trying to tell you that you shouldn't act like a mom or shouldn't care about me. I just want you to realize this-" you gesture towards the journal, lying on her bed. "This isn't the fair way to do it." You keep the edge out of your voice, and it's effective. Her eyes fill with tears. "I'm sorry." She looks up at you, and you let out a breath you were holding in. "You're right. You deserved a chance. I should have gone to you myself." Breathing comes so much easier to you now. Your heart quiets and slows in your chest, no longer thrumming in your ears. Then your mom, still teary-eyed, smiles at you. [["I just love you, hun."->i love u]](set:$understand to 'true')

"No. No - you don't get to cry your way out of this. You //stole// my journal." Your mom's hardened, controlled expression falters. She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it. She takes a deep breath. Your heart is going to pound its way out of your chest any second now. "Do not speak to me in that manner. I do not care if you're mad, you will show me respect. I am the parent in this situation." She won't look at you as she says it, focusing instead on placing your journal down on the blanket next to her. You almost laugh, it's so absurd. "Just because you're the parent doesn't mean I'm some helpless child," you try to keep your voice level, but it isn't listening to you. "When will you stop trying to control me? I'm not some ten year old kid anymore!" Your mother's head snaps to look at you. The strength on her face is no longer a practiced expression. "You think you're so grown, don't you? You have no idea. You //need// me to look out for you." She nearly hisses at you, you swear. This time, you really do laugh. "Maybe," you nod, still laughing as you shake your head. The maybe is technically a concession, but you can tell by the way she eyes you that she understands that you aren't finished. "Maybe. I'll never know, will I? You won't let me grow up." That earns some silence. You hold eye contact. You will not be the first to look away. She concedes, looking down with a sigh. When she looks back up at you, there are tears spilling over onto her cheeks. "Is it so wrong to want your child to need you?" Your instinct is to tell her //yes//, but it seems like more of a rhetorical question. She takes a deep breath. "I'm-" she falters again. You can't help but feel a little gratification; even though she looks like you kicked her puppy, at least she is finally about to apologize - you're sure of it. [["I just love you, hun."->i love u]]

Alex: Ok then I should probably go too. My parents are trying to convince me it'll be worth it to support our friends but it just feels pointless [[Reply: It will be fun! C'mon perk up->1. perk up]] [[Reply: Yeah, but it's not like there's a better alternative anyways->2. no alternative]]

Alex: My parents are trying to convince me it'll be worth seeing but it just feels pointless [[Reply: Yeah, but it's not like there's a better alternative anyways->2. no alternative]] [[Reply: I know. Feels like why bother at this point->3. pessimist]] (set: $not_going to 'true')

"I was talking with Alex about graduation," you tell her. She nods. (if: $not_going is 'true')["Well, you're going, right? To see your senior friends?" She phrases them as questions, but she's using her authoritative-mom tone that tells you it isn't a question at all. You clear your throat. [[Agree to go. You'll have to update Alex on the change of plans.->agree go]] [[Tell her you aren't really interested.->disagree not]] ](else:)["Well, you aren't going, are you? That's just for seniors. Are you really planning on leaving the house?" She phrases them as questions, but she's using her authoritative-mom tone that tells you it isn't a question at all. You clear your throat. [[Agree to stay in. You'll have to update Alex on the change of plans.->agree not]] [[Tell her you actually did want to go.->disagree go]] ]

"Just talking to some friends." You don't feel inclined to offer up any more than that, but it obviously doesn't satiate your mother. She leans forward, trying to get an angle where she can see your phone better. You have to fight the urge to snatch it away despite logically knowing there would be no point; the screen is facing down, there's nothing for her to read. "And what are you and "friends" talking about, anyways?" She asks, giving up on trying to see your phone but not willing to drop the subject. You take it as a win that she didn't demand you to hand over your phone, and give her a little honesty in return. "We were talking about whether or not to go to the graduation parade next week," you explain. Your mother crosses her arms. (if: $not_going is 'true')["Well, you're going, right? To see your senior friends?" She phrases them as questions, but she's using her authoritative-mom tone that tells you it isn't a question at all. You clear your throat. [[Agree to go. You'll have to update Alex on the change of plans.->agree go]] [[Tell her you aren't really interested.->disagree not]] ](else:)["Well, you aren't going, are you? That's just for seniors. Are you really planning on leaving the house?" She phrases them as questions, but she's using her authoritative-mom tone that tells you it isn't a question at all. You clear your throat. [[Agree to stay in. You'll have to update Alex on the change of plans.->agree not]] [[Tell her you actually did want to go.->disagree go]] ]

"Why do you ask?" You reply. This time, your mother is left blinking in surprise. "//Why did I ask?//" She repeats it in a way that tells you that was not a response she's going to accept. You just shrug. "Yeah. Why does it matter?" You swallow, unsure if defending that answer was the smart thing to do. Her scoff assures you that it was not. "It matters because I said it mattered," she states. Her jaw is set and she isn't looking away from you. You want to keep protesting - it really shouldn't be her business who you're texting - but it isn't worth any more trouble. No kid has ever won a fight after the parent whips out the "because I said so" line, and you don't expect to be the first. With a sigh, you tell her, "Just a friend. We were debating plans for the gradutaion parade." Your mom first smiles as she gets the response she wanted, but after she processes what you actually said, she crosses her arms. (if: $not_going is 'true')["Well, you're going, right? To see your senior friends?" She phrases them as questions, but she's using her authoritative-mom tone that tells you it isn't a question at all. You clear your throat. [[Agree to go. You'll have to update Alex on the change of plans.->agree go]] [[Tell her you aren't really interested.->disagree not]] ](else:)["Well, you aren't going, are you? That's just for seniors. Are you really planning on leaving the house?" She phrases them as questions, but she's using her authoritative-mom tone that tells you it isn't a question at all. You clear your throat. [[Agree to stay in. You'll have to update Alex on the change of plans.->agree not]] [[Tell her you actually did want to go.->disagree go]] ]

"Yeah." You force a smile. "Yeah, I'll go." You mother beams back at you. (if:$standing_close is 'true')[She reaches out to smooth your hair, and although you can't help but flinch, you manage to keep yourself from ducking out of the way completely. You know she loves small physical gestures, so you just let her do it. Her smile is so bright. [["I love you, you know."->forced love 2]] ](else:)[She stands up and covers the ground from your bed to your desk with long, smooth strides. She reaches out to pet your hair, and although you can't help but flinch, you manage to keep yourself from ducking out of the way completely. You know she loves small physical gestures, so you just let her do it. Her smile is so bright. [["I love you, you know."->forced love 2]] ] (set:$final_going to 'true')

"Actually, I..." Your mom's stare breaks your concentration for a moment, but you eventually find the words. "I don't really want to go." Your mom's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Surprise morphs into concern. "What do you mean you don't want to? If this year had ended normally, surely you would have gone to the ceremony." You laugh a little and try to lighten the mood by saying, "Nothing about this year has been //normal//, mom." When you look up to meet her eyes, her expression is sharing none of the humor. You sigh. "Look, the whole parade thing- it's just kind of weird, okay? It's probably safer not to be around other people anyways." "You wouldn't be around other people. We would be in the car, watching from the sidelines." "Yeah," you say, a little annoyed with her explaining that fact as if you didn't understand how the parade would work. You know anything else you say is going to be met with the same bluntness and condescention. So instead of arguing further, you tell her, "I promise, I can support my friends without going to the parade. Can't we just drop this?" Your mom's face suddenly softens, and with a deep breath, she concedes, "Sure thing, hun." (if:$standing_close is 'true')[She reaches out to smooth your hair, and although you can't help but flinch, you manage to keep yourself from ducking out of the way completely. You know she loves small physical gestures, so you just let her do it. Her smile is so bright. [["I love you, you know."->forced love 2]] ](else:)[She stands up and covers the ground from your bed to your desk with long, smooth strides. She reaches out to pet your hair, and although you can't help but flinch, you manage to keep yourself from ducking out of the way completely. You know she loves small physical gestures, so you just let her do it. Her smile is so bright. [["I love you, you know."->forced love 2]] ]

"No, of course not." You force a smile. "I wouldn't leave the house." You mother beams back at you. (if:$standing_close is 'true')[She reaches out to smooth your hair, and although you can't help but flinch, you manage to keep yourself from ducking out of the way completely. You know she loves small physical gestures, so you just let her do it. Her smile is so bright. [["I love you, you know."->forced love 2]] ](else:)[She stands up and covers the ground from your bed to your desk with long, smooth strides. She reaches out to pet your hair, and although you can't help but flinch, you manage to keep yourself from ducking out of the way completely. You know she loves small physical gestures, so you just let her do it. Her smile is so bright. [["I love you, you know."->forced love 2]] ]

"Actually, I..." Your mom's stare breaks your concentration for a moment, but you eventually find the words. "I did want to go." Your mom's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Surprise morphs into concern. "What do you mean you want to? You can't expect me to let you go out to see so many people. It isn't safe." You laugh a little and try to lighten the mood by saying, "Weren't you //just// talking about wanting to go out in public again, mom?" When you look up to meet her eyes, her expression is sharing none of the humor. You sigh. "Look, the whole parade thing- it's imporatant to my senior friends, okay? We'll be in our cars, not actually around other people anyways." "There will certainly be some students who break the rules. I don't want you facing the temptation of being in front of all your friends, you'll want to see them too much to resist getting out of the car." "Okay," you say, a little annoyed with her for acting as if you haven't managed to resist that temptation for months now. You know anything else you say is going to be met with the same bluntness and condescention; she doesn't trust you. So instead of arguing further, you tell her, "I promise, I won't do anything dumb. Can't we just drop this?" Your mom's face suddenly softens, and with a deep breath, she concedes, "Sure thing, hun." (if:$standing_close is 'true')[She reaches out to smooth your hair, and although you can't help but flinch, you manage to keep yourself from ducking out of the way completely. You know she loves small physical gestures, so you just let her do it. Her smile is so bright. [["I love you, you know."->forced love 2]] ](else:)[She stands up and covers the ground from your bed to your desk with long, smooth strides. She reaches out to pet your hair, and although you can't help but flinch, you manage to keep yourself from ducking out of the way completely. You know she loves small physical gestures, so you just let her do it. Her smile is so bright. [["I love you, you know."->forced love 2]] ] (set:$final_going to 'true')

Her hand lingers on your head, fiddling with a strand of your hair. [[Say you love her too.->satisfaction 4 who 2]]

"I love you too, mom." As soon as the words pass your lips, her hand falls back to her side. Her smile remains. "Alright, hun." She glances at your desk, where your journal is still sitting, open to a freshly blank page. Her gaze snaps back to you with a final reassuring smile before she turns to leave your room. "Think about what you want for dinner," she calls over her shoulder, and with that, she closes your door. Before you get back to texting Alex, you pick up your [[pen.->meet dad]] The blank journal page fills quickly.

Later, after dinner, you decide to go to the living room instead of back to your room. You've been couped up at your desk all day; stretching out on the couch and watching some TV will be a welcome relief. You're just finally settling into a comfortable spot, sprawled across half the couch with just the right amount of pillow support and blanket coverage, when your dad enters and breaks your focus away from the TV screen. He chuckes at your positioning, and gestures towards your feet to silently ask you to move out of the way so he can sit. You comply, but the time it takes you both to resettle is enough that you have to rewind your show to catch what just happened. Before you can press play again, though, your dad clears his throat. You're expecting some protest to what you've chosen to watch - he frequently uses television as a gateway to talking to you - but what he has to say is completely unrelated. "So... what are your plans for the graduation parade?" He asks, glancing at you tentatively to check your response, but he's unable to look directly at you for longer than a second. (if:$final_going is 'true')[[[Tell him you're going.->quiet going]] ](else:)[[[Tell him you aren't going.->quiet not going]] ] [[Ask him why he's asking.->sus]]

"I'm going." You answer. You're ready to leave it at that, and pick up the remote to press play. "Yeah. Yeah, your mother mentioned that, ya know." He still isn't looking at you. You let the remote rest in your lap. "Okay," you say. Then you wait. Nothing. His eyes are focused on the screen, so you take that as your cue. You reach for the remote again. "She mentioned some other things, too," he jumps in. This time, you set the remote down on the coffee table. You keep waiting. "She's been really bored since we all started staying at home, ya know." You aren't sure what to say to that. It's normal enough that they would talk about it, but you can't imagine why he's repeating it to you. Fianally, you decide on, "We're all bored." He lets out a short laugh at that. "Yeah, no kidding." He takes a deep breath and actually makes eye contact with you, forcing the smile off of his face. "She just- well, she feels like (if:$mom_angrier is 'true')[you haven't been very respectful of her recently."](else:)[you haven't been talkative enough recently."] If you didn't know what to say before, that nearly leaves you speechless. You hold your dad's gaze. [[Say it might be true. Quarantine has made everyone crabby.->concede]] [[Ask him to elaborate.->nuet]] [[Tell him that if that's the case, she should bring it up with you herself.->snoot]]

"I'm not going." You answer. You're ready to leave it at that, and pick up the remote to press play. "Yeah. Yeah, your mother mentioned that, ya know." He still isn't looking at you. You let the remote rest in your lap. "Okay," you say. Then you wait. Nothing. His eyes are focused on the screen, so you take that as your cue. You reach for the remote again. "She mentioned some other things, too," he jumps in. This time, you set the remote down on the coffee table. You keep waiting. "She's been really bored since we all started staying at home, ya know." You aren't sure what to say to that. It's normal enough that they would talk about it, but you can't imagine why he's repeating it to you. Fianally, you decide on, "We're all bored." He lets out a short laugh at that. "Yeah, no kidding." He takes a deep breath and actually makes eye contact with you, forcing the smile off of his face. "She just- well, she feels like (if:$mom_angrier is 'true')[you haven't been very respectful of her recently."](else:)[you haven't been talkative enough recently."] If you didn't know what to say before, that nearly leaves you speechless. You hold your dad's gaze. [[Say it might be true. Quarantine has made everyone act weird.->concede]] [[Ask him to elaborate.->nuet]] [[Tell him that if that's the case, she should bring it up with you herself.->snoot]]

"Oh," he says in surprise. "Um, well, your mother mentioned that you guys talked about it." "Okay," you say. You can see the gears turning in his head, so you wait another moment before trying to pick up the remote again. "She mentioned some other things, too." He takes a deep breath. "She's been really bored since we all started staying at home, ya know." You aren't sure what to say to that. It's normal enough that they would talk about it, but you can't imagine why he's repeating it to you. Fianally, you decide on, "We're all bored." He lets out a short laugh at that. "Yeah, no kidding." He pauses to actually make eye contact with you, forcing the smile off of his face. "She just- well, she feels like (if:$mom_angrier is 'true')[you haven't been very respectful of her recently."](else:)[you haven't been talkative enough recently."] If you didn't know what to say before, that nearly leaves you speechless. You hold your dad's gaze. [[Say it might be true. Quarantine has made everyone crabby.->concede]] [[Ask him to elaborate.->nuet]] [[Tell him that if that's the case, she should bring it up with you herself.->snoot]]

"Yeah. I guess so. Being stuck inside the house for months does that to a person." You look down and pick at a fraying edge of your blanket. You hope he isn't about to turn this into a scolding lecture on forever being kind to your parents. "That it does," he replies, and when you look up at him, amusement is back on his face. You smile in return. You think he's about to say something, but somewhere else in the house, a door softly closes, and the creaking of footsteps follows. After another door closes, his expression changes once again. "Just- try to keep your mom's feelings in mind, ya know?" He's looking at you with pleading eyes. [[Apologize and say that you will.->apologize]] [[Agree to do so as long as she treats you with the same respect.->put sum respeck on my check]] [[Tell him that you've been considering nothing else your entire life. You're tired of putting her first.->me first]]

"Okay," you do your best to avoid rolling your eyes. "What makes her say that?" "Well," he begins hesitantly. "She said you've been kind of (if:$mom_angrier is 'true')[snippy, talking back to her. Like you aren't yourself."](else:)[quiet, shutting her out. Like you aren't yourself."] It doesn't seem fair that you're being judged on acting like yourself when you aren't even sure who you want to be. "I'm a teenager, dad. Aren't you supposed to expect me to (if:$mom_angrier is 'true')[talk back?"](else:)[shut you out?"] You know the teenager excuse is a cop-out, but it's just as true as anything else. "That we are," he replies, and when you look up at him, amusement is back on his face. You smile in return. You think he's about to say something, but somewhere else in the house, a door softly closes, and the creaking of footsteps follows. After another door closes, his expression changes once again. "Just- try to keep your mom's feelings in mind, ya know?" He's looking at you with pleading eyes. [[Apologize and say that you will.->apologize]] [[Agree to do so as long as she treats you with the same respect.->put sum respeck on my check]] [[Tell him that you've been considering nothing else your entire life. You're tired of putting her first.->me first]]

"Yeah, well, if that's how she 'feels,' she can express that to me directly." You cross your arms over your chest. Your dad sighs, leaning back further into the couch. Somewhere else in the house, a door softly closes, and the creaking of footsteps follows. After another door closes, he turns to you again. "Just- she came to me because she doesn't know how to talk to you." You roll your eyes. "You seem to form words perfectly well. Pretty sure I'm doing it right now, too. I don't see why she can't participate." "C'mon, now," your dad chides. "She's trying her best. Being stuck in the same house would be much easier if you two got along. I think it would really help you two smooth things over if you would just try to keep her feelings in mind, ya know?" He's looking at you with pleading eyes. [[Apologize and say that you'll consider her feelings more.->apologize]] [[Agree to do so as long as she treats you with the same respect.->put sum respeck on my check]] [[Tell him that you've been considering nothing else your entire life. You're tired of putting her first.->me first]]

"I'm sorry." Once you say it, you aren't really sure why it's your dad you're apologizing to and not your mom, but you feel the need to explain yourself. "It wasn't my intention to make her feel like I don't care about her feelings." Your dad sucks in a breath, and in a queit voice, he replies, "I know. You don't have to defend yourself to me. I know." You want to answer him, but the words catch in your throat, so you don't try to force them out. Your dad nods at you, not breaking eye contact. "Let's just watch TV, yeah?" "Yeah," you manage to say with a huffing laugh. You pick up the remote and [[press play.->fight scene]] The actors pick up mid-sentence, and you're relieved to have someone else filling the room with noise.

"My goal isn't to be inconsiderate. As long as she's (if:$mom_angrier is 'true')[respectful of](else:)[talkative with] me, I reciprocate." Your dad looks at you from the corner of his eye, his mouth turning up at the corners like he doesn't quite believe you. You fidget with the edge of the blanket across your lap and give a small, breathy laugh. "Okay. I don't always. But I'll try. Really." This time, when your dad smiles, you know it's because he does believe you. "Let's just watch TV, yeah?" When he suggests it, you nod a little too eagerly, making you both laugh. He seems as relieved to be out of that conversation as you are. You pick up the remote and [[press play.->fight scene]] The actors pick up mid-sentence, and it's nice to have someone else filling the room with noise.

"I feel like considering her feelings is all I ever do," you say, but it comes out as more of a whine. With a more controlled tone, you continue, "I'm always supposed to defer to what she wants. I don't want that anymore." Your dad nods along as if he understands, but keeps his face stoic. You know he tries not to get involved or go against your mother whenever you argue with her, but just this once, when she's not even in the room to glare at him, you really wish he would back you up. "Let's just watch TV, yeah?" You falter for a second, disappointed at the total change of subject. Your mouth opens to ask him //please,// but you stop yourself. You will not beg. Swallowing, you reach for the remote again. "Yeah," you echo in reply. You [[press play.->fight scene]] The actors pick up mid-sentence, and you're relieved to have someone else filling the room with noise.

(if:$desk_searched is 'true')[[[Look around your desk again.->desk]]](else:)[[[Look around your desk.->desk]]] (if:$bed_searched is 'true')[[[Look under your bed again.->bed]]](else:)[[[Look under your bed.->bed]]] (if:$shelf_searched is 'true')[[[Look on your bookshelf again.->bookshelf]]](else:)[[[Look on your bookshelf.->bookshelf]]]

"I love you too." (if:$shoulder is 'touched')[She pulls you closer into her embrace.](else:)[She stands up from the bed, and you hold your breath as she walks up to you. She pulls you into an embrace.] [[She holds you so tight that you can barely breathe.->end]]

"Mom..." (if:$shoulder is 'touched')[You step back, pulling yourself out of her grasp.](else:)[You step back, and from her perch on the bed, your mother watches you with eyes blown wide.] You inhale sharply. "I love you too. I do." Hearing this, your mom lets her posture relax a little, but her eyes never drop their laser focus on your face. "I just don't love that you stole my journal. Do you understand that?" (if:$understand is 'true')["Yes, hun. I told you; of course I understand why you're upset.](else:)["Yes, hun. I know."] "Do you, or are you just saying that?" She looks offended at your debt, but you don't let her interrupt you. "I just... I just want you to consider //my// feelings sometimes." "Hun, I //do// consider your feelings. I always put you first, you know that, right? Through everything, I'm always looking out for you, okay? Even when it seems to you like I'm not. When you have kids of your own one day, you'll understand." She leans forward as she speaks. The "only parents can understand" argument is not new to you. Unfortunately for her, you aren't a parent yet. You can't understand her, and she clearly doesn't understand what you're saying, either. You stay there for a minute, just (if:$shoulder is 'touched')[two people standing next to each other.](else:)[two people on opposite ends of a room.] Nothing you can say will fix this. She's already read your journal. "Please, next time, will you just... talk to me? Don't send dad after me. Don't sneak into my room. Just... talk." "Of course. You got it." (if:$shoulder is 'touched')[She moves forward to pull you into her embrace.](else:)[She stands up from the bed, and you hold your breath as she walks up to you. She pulls you into an embrace.] "Hun?" She asks, squeezing you a little tighter. "Yeah, mom?" "I love you." [[Take a deep breath. Tell her you love her too.->end]]

"Mom..." (if:$shoulder is 'touched')[You step back, pulling yourself out of her grasp.](else:)[You step back, and from her perch on the bed, your mother watches you with eyes blown wide.] Your hands start to shake, so you ball them into fists. "You act like love is a free pass to treat me however you want. It isn't." Your mother stares back at you blankly. If she's thoughtfully considering what you said somewhere in there, her face shows no sign of it. She licks her lips into her mouth, and you shift from foot to foot, deciding that her silence means she must be listening on some level. "You used to tell me you loved me in moments of affection. Now you only use it to force me into reassuring you." These words have a sharpness that pierces through her impassive facade and snaps her back into reality. Her jaw quivers with the weight of your accusation, and although she's hanging her head, you can see tears overflow onto her cheeks. "Do you- you really just say you love me because you think that it reassures me?" Her voice cracks on the word "love." She looks up at you. [["Don't you love me?"->end]]

(t8n: "dissolve")+(colour:#F4FA58)[The end.]